Twilight Pt. 4

You'd think a book with a baby trying to eat it's way out of the womb would be the greatest book ever written. Okay, maybe not you, but I sure as hell think it is awesome. The only thing that could have possible made it better would have been if Bella was knocked up by both Edward and Jacob so that the two fetuses could have an epic battle to the death inside the womb, but that would be ripping of The Toxic Avenger Part 4. I cant really complain much, because Meyer makes some of the same mistakes that she has made in the past three books. BREAKING DAWN is one of the better books. Not quite as good as ECLIPSE, but better than TWILIGHT and NEW MOON. The book is dedicated to some lame hipster band named Muse, which is fronted by a man who thinks the terror attacks of 9/11/01 were an inside job. And people like that should shampoo my crotch.

When last we left our heroes we talked about genetics. Apparently it is an extra chromosome, which means that any child between a werewolf and a human would be sterile. Sorry, but having vampires and werewolves running around isn't enough to ignore some basic science.

The book is divided into 3 different sections. Two from Bella's POV, and one from Jacob's POV. Being out of Bella's head was good. However, Jacob wasn't very much different. There was not enough distinction in the character's voices. Bella continues to ask to many questions to herself/us in the middle of situations which grows very tiring. So tiring that you just want to send her a box of wire hangers.

A bit of confusion came, because characters suddenly got nicknames. Jasper is now Jazz to half the family. Based on the guy that played him in the movie it should have been Harpo. There was apparently a sex scene in this book, but if you don't read the paragraph three times you would never know. And it is immediately followed by Edward talking about himself biting pillows.

Why are we being told "he cussed" so often? Just have the character cuss.

Lets talk about how stupid Bella is, because now I am just going to complain about all the stupid stuff. After she becomes a vampire she sees a mysterious 8th color at the end of the spectrum that she "doesn't have a name for" Well I have a name for it, how about "ultraviolet". Duuuuur. She names her kid Rennesme, or something stupid like that.

Im not going to bother with the imprinting thing. I thought it was a neat idea. The book was fast paced, even in the boring parts that drag out. I actually found the book to be quite humorous at times.

Oh vampires are fans of the University of Florida football team. That is neat.

Do lets talk about the absolute worse use of deus ex machina since thousands of letters to Santa Claus were dumped in front of a judge. We are about to see a battle that could be just as epic as The Battle of Five Armies, of course it wouldn't have been. Then Alice comes out of the woods and every one has to have a line of dialogue where they say her name. Everything is set right by what she brings to keep the two groups from fighting. After several chapters of building up to the epic climax they pull out and donkey punch you.

You know what. I'm done with this. Right when I actually started to enjoy the book, she does something that just make me want to pull my hair out. Not just the entire lack of climax, but other parts of the story that could have been explored. Jacob forming his own pack for example. That could have been a great story to expand. This book still reads like fan fiction, so I don't expect too much.